Crash

I guess it all began with the way I was raised. All my life my paretns told me what, how, and when to do things. My job was to bey without questin. It was "Do your hommework, practice your cello, do your chores, go to bed." Consequently, that was how I behaved, even in school. I was shy because no one told me I could talk. They left me to grow with my training wheels.
Ever since sophomore year started, it's been, "What college will you go to?" or "what do you want to major in?" and "What colleges will you visit?" etc. All these choices were plastered onto my face and I couldn't breathe. I still can't. I'm the person who can't say yes. It's always a maybe, or I-don't-know-what-do-you-think? For years I could never and still can't make a decision by myself without doubting it. The thing is: if you tell me to do it, it will get done. My training wheels were ripped from me at the beginning of high school and to this day I can barely crawl. I'm so lost and the world won't wait for me.
As you know, I'm applying for a special boarding school for math and science. If told to, I would attend without a doubt. Thing is, my parents tell me it's "my choice." For days I wondered, "Is it right to leave behind my friends, home, music, and now robotics team?" It took me two years to get comfortable in school again when we first moved here, and I don't see this as any different. Problem is, I'll be out of the school in two years this time.
Today, I was asking my dad whether we were moving for sure or not. He kept asking me why it mattered. I told him if we were moving for sure, I would go to the boarding school wihout a doubt. If we weren't moving, it'd be a maybe. I'm not so willing to give up my life here. My dad doesn't get what I'm feeling. He hears every word, then brushes it off and repeats his point. He told me I wasn't getting better in strings; I was getting worse for my level. I hate talking with my parents about life. Hell, it's awkward to talk about my period to my mom. My dad also said that leaving robotics wouldn't be bad because the boarding school will be much more advanced in that. See, it's not JUST that. Yes, I don't want to leave the programs, but it's also the people. I've had a war in my mind fighting over what to do. He said I was all talk. I set high goals but nothing happens. I couldn't stand listening to this again so I left and sat in my room. That's when he said it. He said, "My children are smart, but watch, they'll be disappointments."
Parents use reverse psychology often to motivate their kids, but honestly, it doesn't work for me and my brothers. As soon as my dad said that, I felt my eyes heat up. I grabbed clothes and ran into my bathroom and locked the door. I turned on the shower to block out my sobs. I was a disappointment. I was all talk. I am an ass-kissing loser who raises the bar to the point I can't reach it and just leave. I am a joke.
I cried until the frustration turned into anger and my heart ceased to bleed. He had cut me inside. It's alright. THis wasn't the only time I had let him down.

Just another scar. The truth always hurts.

~Wingedhamham~

Song of the moment: "Perfect" by Simple Plan
Listen to it. Understand it. Understand me.

p.s. Please don't leave "pity party" comments. This post was a channel for my sorrow, not an invitation for sorrys.

T-SHIRT DESIGN!

It's pretty much an inside joke.

BUT. Tell me what you thinks.

Forgetful Thoughts...

No, this is NOT an insightful post. Just a heads up ^-^

Anyways, Fluff will kill me by the end of this post so read this carefully.

At lunch, the robotics team (WOOT) sells Chipwiches as a fundraiser for our Spirit Week! Well, I love helping out with that kind of stuff so I'm there whenever we're selling these delicious delightful delicacies. Today, Elliot stole his second Chipwich. He will pay us back tonight at the plays Fluff and I will be watching since we will be selling concessions as well for robotics. Teehee.
So! After lunch ended we had to put away the cart. The teacher who usually stores it in her room was absent today (probably contemplating how to steal our chipwiches next time that cart of heaven comes squeaking into her room [jk]) so we had to put in the police man dude's room. I put my stuff on the cart, usually my textbook because it's just so darn heavy. So we put away the cart, said our goodbyes, and began walking towards this class. WEEEEEEEEELL! The other day I had forgotten my book on the cart and Fluff was like, "OMGGGGGGGG!!! Yoo so stoopid. Shame. Shame you. You shame!" (Quote possibly may have been modified due to inaccurate memory).
I had stopped in the middle of the hallway (we hadn't walked that far) and just froze. Then I turned around and ran towards the room.
WELL. Todaaay, the same thing happened, but we had walked a bit farther today. I noticed that all I had with me was my bag and bocks uhv chock-lits so SOMETHING was missing. I remembered and once again ran back to the room. Fluff gave me the death stare. Lol. She was ready to beat me to death with her bocks uhv chock-lits. She said she wouldn't be my friend anymore if I forgot again (she was kidding I think XP) so I said, "That means I'll just have to beat you to death with my bocks uhv chock-lits. NO WITNESSES. Teehee!" I don't know if I was kidding...

HAH!
I gotcha!
I WAS jk.

...or was I?

*Dum dum DUUUMMMMM*

~Wingedhamham~
*stands creepily like a stalker, grinning, holding a bocks uhv chock-lits.

Red Overalls?

Okay, the world needs more overalls. I spent forever trying to find a website selling red cloth overalls (however simple they may be!) for my awesome outfit. What outfit, you ask? WELL.
Next week is our school's SPIRIT WEEK! :D:D:D Monday is Preppy day (wth?) and so forth. On WEDNESDAAAAY, it's "Celebrity/Character Day." HEEEELL YEAAAAH! Hah YER doin'!? So on that day, I plan to dress up as the one and only...HELLO KITTY! Yeaaaah. I'm planning on wearing red overalls, a green or white shirt under that, white stockings, white arm-warmers, and of course...A HUGE RED BOW IN MY HAIR! Teehee X3. Hell yeah it's gonna rock socks! Teehee. Omg I just typed teehee again! :O Oh noz! The guidance councelor has just called for me so I shall have to update when I get home!

:D

~Wingedhamham~

For a bad Blogger...

I friggin' pwn. I'm the one with limited internet access and yet...hehehe. I know. I'm going to die some day being the rebel that I am.
*Gets shot*

WHAT WAS THAT FOR!?

*BANG*

My eyeeeeeeeee! AAAAAAAAAAAH!

*PANG*

You shot my leg, damnit! Curse yoooo!

*BANG BANG BANG BOOM KABLOOOOOOOOOOM!*

I lost all my limbs but I'm still alive...Oh, the blood I've lost. Aaaargh...

*WEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo....BOOM!*

...
...

~Wingedhamham~ RIP

Hah YER doin'!?

"Late at night, I toss and I turn, and I dream of what I need...!"

Yeah. I wasn't dreaming of what I needed, but more like having nightmares. Ugh. I woke up every hour or so. It was hooooooorrid. Aieee.
I was having this nightmare about today's English quiz on Early Romanticism! Sigh, how romaaaantic. No. Not. It is indeed something to fear. I kept mixing the quizzes up with History class. We took the quiz but in the way we do in History which is fill in the blank and what not (they're really really hard too). My teacher looked through them (some white chick I had never seen in my life) and right before she got to mine, I woke up. But BEFORE that, I had some weird creepy dream about periods and I ripped someone's pad out and took it or something...to use it as my own. Now wait a second. Do not freak out. I would never ever imagine doing that...I only...have nightmares about it...? Anyways. It made sense at the time in the nightmare. I don't know.
Scarlet was in this and I saw her quiz was like a 38 or something. No, she did not get a 38 on a quiz in RL, she just HAPPENED to be in my nightmare. DANGIT CHILL OUT! I'M NOT FREAKIN OUT, YOU'RE FREAKIN' OUT! STOP YELLING!

:D

Jk.

But yeah. That's a horrible night of Hamham for yous guys. I have no idea what caused these nightmares except for the quiz today. *Shudders*

How YOU doin'!? ---Ok...no more Norbit for me.

~Wingedhamham~

HOW YOU DOIN'!? lol. sorry

Coughing Fit!!! :D

Oh yeah, you know it. In history class we were taking our test on the "Making of a World Market," Chapter 14! Of course, I'm still sick and what nots. I was getting a headache in 3rd period from coughing too much. By the time I hit 7th period, (history) I had developed that "inner phlegm" within my throat. Now, as you all know, the inner phlegm is difficult to get out. SOOOO...I was coughing for like 10 minutes, my face was getting red, my throat was this close to bleeding, and my teacher was pretty much staring at me. He mouthed, "You need water?" I was choking on my own throat by then so all I did was nod and point my thumb behind me towards the door. He nodded and I ran out and down the hallway coughing out my lungs. Sounds fun, eh? It wasn't. Good thing I knew the material for the test so losing the time wasn't so bad. I was in the bathroom coughing, I drank water, but I knew that the cause was the inner phlegm. Finally, it came out into my mouth (oh, it hurt me more than it's hurting you to read this) and I was home-free. I came back in and finished my test with my pride barely scratched! Lol.
But yeah. I'm coughing as I type this lol. There is no hidden phlegm atm, but I bet it's gonna pop up again some time soon. Heehee.
Oh! Something nasty happened in Engineering today again. Lol, no...this was literally nasty...not "mind in the gutter" kind of nasty. I as you know am sick (damnit) so I felt a sneeze come up. No one likes sneezing in their hands, so I sneezed onto my sleeve. Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad idea. I looked at my sleeve and lo and behold...TWO FRIGGIN' HUNKS OF PHLEGM! Yeah. I said, "Euuuuoooooeee" and Curb looked at my arm. We laughed so hard (in disgust). I took out a tissue and just wiped it off. Let's just say I didn't wear my sweater for the rest of the day. Good thing I was wearing a shirt I liked! :D My yoshi shirt saying, "Come Take A Free Ride" with the yoshi with his shell as a saddle. Heehee. Come be my baby mario guys!

~Wingedhamham~

P.S. I have now bought 5 chipwiches...that = 5 x 1.50 = $7.50 worth of sugar.
...
DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANG!

Love the Laptop!

My love for laptops has increased. My desperation has led me to resort to my only source to the internet at home without worrying about my padre reading my emails...the Frere's laptop. Yeah, I just mixed Spanish and French again, fooz. Beat dat! TRU DAT!
SO yeah. I bought two chipwiches at school today and donated 50 cents because we were lacking the coins. Too many people give like 5 bills and junk. So in case you were wondering...a Chipwich is like so:
Two home-made chocolate chip cookies with a chocolate or vanilla creamy icing filling.
Yeah. Yum. As Curb said, "This is orgasmic." So step right up and buy your very own orgasmic cookies! Just 1.50 for an orgasm like never before!
ANYways...I bought a vanilla one for lunch because I forgot my lunch at home. Good thing I had a 10 with me. So I bought a chocolate one afterwards but it only lasted for half a period. As soon as Curb came in, I split it with her and Fluff. We savoured the taste. Good gosh they're just...mmm. It's so sweet it's not even funny. You eat it and you say, "I want to get fat, right now." The Krispy Kreme diet is NOTHING compared to these :D

So, I should cut back because fat is not something I plan on gaining. However, I still live life to the fullest. I eat what I want when I want...but I think I'll just have a chocolate bar tomorrow. After that...no more sweets...maybe some icecream for dessert after dinner though... >_>

~Wingedhamham~

*smiles as teeth fall out from eating sweets*

Still Sick

And worse than yesterday. Uff.
Last night I went to our robotics meeting and I helped draw out the electricity schematic. Yeah...I was a little lost.
Once fluff left, it was me and Kate left. We laughed 80% of the time, I coughed for 10% of the time, we ate animal crackers 5% of the time, I drew 3% of the time, and we worked on the schematic...2% of the time. Lol. We took forever trying to figure out how to fit the whole thing onto the paper. I learned what the Relays, Drives (PWM), Circuit Breaker Panel (Fuse Panel), and the Circuit Breaker were for and how they worked! YAAY! It's still a little hazy on how we're going to wire this bot but I'm sure we'll figure out...something.
So yes, about the animal crackers. Everytime I reached in for one, I always ended up getting this gorilla, or monkey. The thing with the monkey was...Ok...well I was fine with eating them...it's just that the monkeys look like they had had a boob job or something. I mean, male or female, they were big pecs/manboobs/womanly juggys. It was a naked monkey so it was probably a male. How inappropriate! If I wanted cookies AND milk I would've poured myself a glass and ate some cookies. Geez.
So anyways, Kate kept getting the Lions and Tigers that I wanted to eat. We were laughing at how fate insisted on me eating the furry monkeys. Lol. I told her it wasn't fair because fur is WORTH MORE than Plastic, dangit! Not cool.

So yep. But for now, peace doods.

~Wingedhamham~

P.s. still looking for a new project.

Drats!

Caught red-handed last night :P
It seems my father is now monitoring who is connected to our network. Poop. I guess the only internet I get is if my brother isn't home or something >.>

NEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH!

~Wingedhamham~

Sits in closet crying.

RIP Heath Ledger

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I cannot express the woe I'm feeling at the moment. A light inside of me just died. I never knew the man, but he was in one of my favourite films, "A Knight's Tale." I will make sure I watch Batman and see him in his final movie. God bless you Heath Ledger! You will be missed. *Sob*
...
...
This is so depressing. He chose his movies well, and he was a great actor. Not to mention he was a gorgeous man. He had a huge future ahead of him. Why do the good die young?

~Wingedhamham~

*sob* ;_;