Yes, I misspelled 'ludicrous.' It is all intentional in every way. :)
Here's the intro to my latest idea.
Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past million millennia or so, you probably know who we are. No, I didn’t mean to say ‘what’ we are, because as far as I’m concerned, we’re more humane than you things. Now, if you’re one of those deprived souls who will forever remember their childhood as bleak and dark (like the dwelling of beneath a rock), then allow me to explain.
Pixies, fairies, nymphs, whatever you call those beautiful creatures you see in nature, those are us. It’s actually funny how you would create dust candy and name it after us, but that’s a whole other novel. For those of you fantasy-obsessed, bug-eyed people, yes, you’ve been lied to. Pixies are not evil fairies, and nymphs are not naked women made out of leaves or drip drops of the pond you were urinating in. We’re all the same thing, just twisted with your terrible story-telling. You know, for being so bug-eyed and obsessive, you’d thing you could see and remember your encounters with us, but so far not so much.
I must immediately take back what I said about the rock-inhabiting theory. Some of us like it under the rocks. Most of us consider those the ‘anti-socials’ as you would put it. Frankly, I think getting a slight tan is fairly healthy, but if rocks float your boat, then by all means, lurk away. Yes, we fairies (for the sake of ink and time I’ll stick to this name) do tan, and we are not the size of your feet. We’re slightly taller than that…just slightly, but still significant enough to point out. Our pretty transparent-ish wings actually do exist, but we’re never blue or purple or anything similar to that of a Smurf’s leprosy. Flying isn’t something we do very often. In fact, we have vehicles like your cars, but better. We’ve got better ways of fueling our hunks of transporting genius. Unfortunately, we can’t share the secret. You’ll get there eventually.
If you don’t believe we exist and say so, not a single one of us will die, so don’t stand there crying like a baby, clapping your hands like it’s the Fourth of July. Like I said, you humans love to story-tell like idiots, meaning Peter Pan is not my great-grandmother’s best friend forever. If I ever saw a little boy covered in a tacky green suit and flapping his arms in hysterics while ‘crowing,’ I would run like any of you humans would. Don’t even try to contradict me because you know it’s true, unless you are once again one of those rock-people who find this sort of behavior to be common, if not attractive.
Another usual, if not stupid, mistake you humans assume about us is that we’re nature freaks. Leaves and twigs fill our wardrobes, our manure is what starts spring; our tears make it rain for hours, and so on. First of all, I made those up, but I wouldn’t be surprised if one of your little dreams is crushed when I tell you that those, too, are not true in any way, shape, or form. May the big man upstairs smite me before I wear a leaf to school and eat butterfly eggs for lunch. Could you imagine that?
“Hey guys, how’s it going? I have butterfly eggs for lunch!”
“Kris, that is so gross. Where do you even buy those?”
Which brings me to another point! We fairies are very organized. We’re not like the monkeys free to do as they wish, such as throw waste and eat a banana with the same hand for pure entertainment…or should I say, impure (if you catch my drift). I deem us to be civilized, considering we’ve been here ever since those gigantic screaming Godzillas left craters in the mud whenever they danced. Oh yes, they danced. You wouldn’t believe how well they could. It was something like your waltz, but more sophisticated.
Now, I could get into our economics and politics and all of those boring things your rotting corpses of ancestors would be intrigued to read about, but frankly, that’s not my forte. I maybe sort of flunked those classes. Besides, this story has nothing to do with that junk. This story has excitement, glory, and more excitement! I’m getting excited just thinking about it! So without further ado and with my short and sweet introduction complete, here is the real reason for the killing of trees to print out this tale.
I think it was Christmas. There were too many people outside doing things and breathing air, so it must have been some sort of a holiday. I don’t know where it is on your map of the world, but it was in the Southeast Region for us fairies. I had just learned how to conjure an invisibility bubble, so I could walk slowly without having random people pointing and yelling, “You’re slightly significantly taller than my foot!” It’s unpleasant, for one, and it lowers my self esteem. You may be wondering, “Well that’s odd. Why would it hurt a fairy’s feelings to point out its characteristics?” Oh, how I would love to run up to you dirty humans and say how hideous your teeth are or how your Buddha belly never gives anyone luck, but I can’t. I won’t. Besides, that’s not the point. I was and still am the shortest of my class, and my high school was unforgiving of us ‘short ones.’
So, whilst strutting my strut up your gum coated park trail, I heard a ‘fellow peer’ of mine squealing my name as if someone had ripped off her wings.
“KRIS! Oh my gosh, Kris! Wait for me! I have something you’ll love!”
“If they’re not cheat-sheets for tomorrow’s Physics test, then I don’t care.” Holy hairy spiders that fairy was too annoying. No one can squeal like that unless it’s the one and only Furn. Yes, her name sounds like the plant. It made me pregnant with jokes until I gave birth to the famous “Leaf me alone.” Haha, I’m proud of that one.
“No, no, no, Kris. Even better! I have an amazing study guide Mrs. Symons gave me! It’s only a few pages long, but all of that studying and hard work pays off, and you feel wonderful knowing you passed honestly!” She was now panting, having run between legs and infested shoes to catch up to me. “Come on, Kris. You need to actually learn something. You can’t cheat your way through life and succeed! It’ll bite you later.” She frowned at me and stuck out her lip. My goodness she was ugly.
“You know, your face will stay like that forever if you keep doing that.” She stuck out her lip some more until it looked like she’d get stretch marks. “Or I could smack you in the face with my bag and swell up your lip so badly it’ll never go back in!” I smiled one of my toothy grins and she immediately sucked in her face. Finally. I was starting to go blind.
“Fine. But don’t come crying to me when you have a job but can’t do it because you’re a lazy man moocher!” Her radiating pale face wouldn’t even turn pink in the cold.
“Ugh, whatever. Just let me do what I want, Furn. You’re so—” BAM! That’s when one of your clumsy butter boot humans punted me in the face and stumbled over Furn. She had distracted me from my walking, and lo and behold I got kicked right in the nose. Nothing good comes from rock-dwelling fairies.
The stupid kid that hit me was probably in her teens. Her trip knocked me out and completely annihilated my invisibility bubble. That took me forever to make, by the way. Furn tumbled into a bush (ironically) and stayed hidden like a good little fairy. I, however, was supposedly lucky that the teen was the only one relatively near enough to see who I was. Anyone a few feet away would have assumed me a squirrel who thought it could fly and failed miserably, landing in front of the girl’s blue boots.
The next bit is hazy for me. Okay, to be honest, I don’t remember a thing. Furn later told me that the girl saw me and decided an inspection was called for. The Sherlock gave me a good poke and a long eye-drying stare. Hah! Like she’d never seen a fairy before! Nonetheless, once she was satisfied with her investigation, she stuffed me into her lunchbox either in guilt or with the intentions of Frankenstein. Into her bag I went, until it creaked open to the sound of church bells and dim lights squeezing through slits of wood. I presumed I was dead, but it was worse. Much worse. I was discovered.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Story Number TWO! :O
Okay, so this is an idea that pooped into my head today. I needed to get it on paper...sooo...I did. I kind of made it up as I went, but still followed the same skeleton of a plan I had. There shall be more! Do not fear! One day I'll get someone who can actually write well to take this idea and make something of it, but as for now, I need to make sure I don't forget it ;) SO here! :D
Another leaf fell slowly towards us and landed on my blue vest. This one particularly was fiery red, the blazing color of late October. A cool breeze interrupted the silence, with a shower of embers fluttering from the trees like ashes from the sky. We laid there, coated with a blanket of leaves, in peace. Her hair smelling of fresh oranges spread itself on my chest. We formed an “L” on the bed of grass under the shade. For the first time, I felt complete, just being with her. I was relaxed, but had all the control I could ask for. Another breeze swept by, but this time, it carried a scent. Valikens.
Their overbearing stench of stale flesh smothered her sweet orangey hair. My pulse began to race and I clenched her hand in mine.
“Rollan? Something wrong?” She turned her head and stared into me with her evergreen eyes.
“Valikens, east. They’re heading this way.” I began to sit up. “You have to leave. Call Fangdor. Now.”
“What about you? I’m not leaving you here. You can’t fight them by yourself, even when you’re…” she gulped. “They never travel alone, you know that. I can help. We can defeat them, together.” She locked her hand in mine and stood.
“Ellinia, I’ve taught you a lot, and I’m aware of that, but I am also aware of your limited strength. I don’t want to see you sleep for so long. Not again.” I reached for my summoning horn, but her grasp held me.
“It won’t happen this time; I know my limits. Please, Rollan, you’re the only one I have.”
A third breeze brought a stronger scent of Valikens. They were less than a mile away, and moving quickly. I jerked my arm from her and put the horn to my lips. A sound unheard to earth-walkers sang above the thick forest and to the ears of a dragon. With a responding cry and a gust of wind, Fangdor dove from the clouds.
My lips met hers in what seemed our last kiss. I felt her tear on my thumb as I cupped her cheeks. “Don’t forget; you’re all I have, too.” Feet never touching the ground, Fangdor scooped Ellinia from my sight and into the heavens. A speck of crystal blue scales swirled through the sky, and then disappeared. She would be safe there.
There was little time to waste. I immediately sat on the forest floor and concentrated on my emotional pain. The vibrations of the Valikens’ trampling footsteps beat their way into my body. I cleared my mind and thought about my home; my burning house with my father inside…lifeless; the flames swallowing the thatched roof with Valikens dancing around it for pure amusement. I snapped from focus when a Valiken yelled his battle cry. My heart jumped; they had found me.
Trying to re-enter my focus, I tried to remember more painful memories. My uncle, my slain horse, my lost mother…Ellinia. I felt a sharp halt in my chest. That was it. I resurrected dead memories of seeing her in the white bed, her body a rock on the soft silk sheets. Her skin was paler than moonlight and her lips had lost their rosy color. Her hands were cold, and her capturing eyes never opened; not for months.
My heart beat once more, then reached complete silence. I felt the addicting surge of energy flow through my soul. It was time.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Another leaf fell slowly towards us and landed on my blue vest. This one particularly was fiery red, the blazing color of late October. A cool breeze interrupted the silence, with a shower of embers fluttering from the trees like ashes from the sky. We laid there, coated with a blanket of leaves, in peace. Her hair smelling of fresh oranges spread itself on my chest. We formed an “L” on the bed of grass under the shade. For the first time, I felt complete, just being with her. I was relaxed, but had all the control I could ask for. Another breeze swept by, but this time, it carried a scent. Valikens.
Their overbearing stench of stale flesh smothered her sweet orangey hair. My pulse began to race and I clenched her hand in mine.
“Rollan? Something wrong?” She turned her head and stared into me with her evergreen eyes.
“Valikens, east. They’re heading this way.” I began to sit up. “You have to leave. Call Fangdor. Now.”
“What about you? I’m not leaving you here. You can’t fight them by yourself, even when you’re…” she gulped. “They never travel alone, you know that. I can help. We can defeat them, together.” She locked her hand in mine and stood.
“Ellinia, I’ve taught you a lot, and I’m aware of that, but I am also aware of your limited strength. I don’t want to see you sleep for so long. Not again.” I reached for my summoning horn, but her grasp held me.
“It won’t happen this time; I know my limits. Please, Rollan, you’re the only one I have.”
A third breeze brought a stronger scent of Valikens. They were less than a mile away, and moving quickly. I jerked my arm from her and put the horn to my lips. A sound unheard to earth-walkers sang above the thick forest and to the ears of a dragon. With a responding cry and a gust of wind, Fangdor dove from the clouds.
My lips met hers in what seemed our last kiss. I felt her tear on my thumb as I cupped her cheeks. “Don’t forget; you’re all I have, too.” Feet never touching the ground, Fangdor scooped Ellinia from my sight and into the heavens. A speck of crystal blue scales swirled through the sky, and then disappeared. She would be safe there.
There was little time to waste. I immediately sat on the forest floor and concentrated on my emotional pain. The vibrations of the Valikens’ trampling footsteps beat their way into my body. I cleared my mind and thought about my home; my burning house with my father inside…lifeless; the flames swallowing the thatched roof with Valikens dancing around it for pure amusement. I snapped from focus when a Valiken yelled his battle cry. My heart jumped; they had found me.
Trying to re-enter my focus, I tried to remember more painful memories. My uncle, my slain horse, my lost mother…Ellinia. I felt a sharp halt in my chest. That was it. I resurrected dead memories of seeing her in the white bed, her body a rock on the soft silk sheets. Her skin was paler than moonlight and her lips had lost their rosy color. Her hands were cold, and her capturing eyes never opened; not for months.
My heart beat once more, then reached complete silence. I felt the addicting surge of energy flow through my soul. It was time.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Story Number ONE! :D
This one I wrote a bit ago...but never posted on here. Hehe.
The italics symbolize memories, btw, since some people didn't get that.
The ring on her key jingled as she struggled to lock the door. Her hands shook both with frustration and anxiety while she tugged and pulled. As she turned to walk off her porch, the season’s cold air nibbled at her cheeks. Nuzzling her head tightly into her fleece hat, she stepped out into a dark morning.
The street lamps were glowing an eerie orange. Their radiance stalked her with a looming umbrage. Stuffing her hands into her pockets, she quickened her pace.
“Are you cold? Here, hold my hand.” He brushed is hand against her shoulder, as he smiled behind his scarf.
She stopped. No one was on her right this time; nothing but shadows. Burying her hands deeper into her pockets, she crossed the street.
“Puddle at twelve o’clock!” Their hands tightened eagerly. “Ready? Jump!” Stomping on the sidewalk, he laughed. This time, she smiled as well.
The puddle was dried up. Leaves rustled across the sidewalk, skipping over the sunken area. Staring for a moment, she swerved around it, not daring to look back. She had to move on.
Soon enough, headlights began to flood the faded roads. She squinted past traffic, pursing her lips. Dry breezes clawed at her skin, stinging her face. On her left, the sun dragged its way above the horizon. Opposite was half of the moon, blending with the sky. She sighed at it. Barely there.
“Wow, look at that moon. You know, the reason the moon is so bright is because of the sun’s light reflecting off its surface.” He shrugged. “Heh…I guess you’re my sun, eh?” He bit his lip, and watched his feet. They walked slowly, now.
Without knowing it, she had drifted onto her usual route. The rows of trees stood, as frozen flames, sparks sinking to the ground. Counting her steps, she paused. She couldn’t help a glance. Just a glimpse of the wilting house, surrounded by the ashes of the once marvelous oak. Black stains seared the walls and doors, with the roof of the patio entirely collapsed. Yellow tape, everywhere.
“Well, this is me. I’ve got a lot of work to do tonight, so I’ll be up late. We’ll walk together again, tomorrow, alright? I’ll be there to pick you up at the same time. I love you.” He ran up the driveway. “Tomorrow, again! I promise!”
She shut her eyes, feeling the burn of tears fighting their way out. She fell to her knees, and wept. Tomorrow would never come.
The italics symbolize memories, btw, since some people didn't get that.
The ring on her key jingled as she struggled to lock the door. Her hands shook both with frustration and anxiety while she tugged and pulled. As she turned to walk off her porch, the season’s cold air nibbled at her cheeks. Nuzzling her head tightly into her fleece hat, she stepped out into a dark morning.
The street lamps were glowing an eerie orange. Their radiance stalked her with a looming umbrage. Stuffing her hands into her pockets, she quickened her pace.
“Are you cold? Here, hold my hand.” He brushed is hand against her shoulder, as he smiled behind his scarf.
She stopped. No one was on her right this time; nothing but shadows. Burying her hands deeper into her pockets, she crossed the street.
“Puddle at twelve o’clock!” Their hands tightened eagerly. “Ready? Jump!” Stomping on the sidewalk, he laughed. This time, she smiled as well.
The puddle was dried up. Leaves rustled across the sidewalk, skipping over the sunken area. Staring for a moment, she swerved around it, not daring to look back. She had to move on.
Soon enough, headlights began to flood the faded roads. She squinted past traffic, pursing her lips. Dry breezes clawed at her skin, stinging her face. On her left, the sun dragged its way above the horizon. Opposite was half of the moon, blending with the sky. She sighed at it. Barely there.
“Wow, look at that moon. You know, the reason the moon is so bright is because of the sun’s light reflecting off its surface.” He shrugged. “Heh…I guess you’re my sun, eh?” He bit his lip, and watched his feet. They walked slowly, now.
Without knowing it, she had drifted onto her usual route. The rows of trees stood, as frozen flames, sparks sinking to the ground. Counting her steps, she paused. She couldn’t help a glance. Just a glimpse of the wilting house, surrounded by the ashes of the once marvelous oak. Black stains seared the walls and doors, with the roof of the patio entirely collapsed. Yellow tape, everywhere.
“Well, this is me. I’ve got a lot of work to do tonight, so I’ll be up late. We’ll walk together again, tomorrow, alright? I’ll be there to pick you up at the same time. I love you.” He ran up the driveway. “Tomorrow, again! I promise!”
She shut her eyes, feeling the burn of tears fighting their way out. She fell to her knees, and wept. Tomorrow would never come.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
HUZZAH!
Arrgh, mateys! This hamu just discovered pure gold! Yep!
...
Gold in the form of an MMORPG! RAWR! Poop.
Okay, so I was on the eternetz over a week ago, and I came across an ad. It was for yet another MMORPG. Pluh. Yeah. ANOTHER. Ugh.
So I was about to close the damn thing when it caught my attention.
Hey now...these graphics aren't bad at all...
On the ad in big letters, was FLORENSIA.
Hmmm...never heard of this before...
Underneath it showed play online for FREE!
Well HADDEEDOO! Free!? So I clicked on the ad and lo and behold it led me to http://en.florensia-online.com/
Alright, let me just start off saying this game is FREAKIN' AWESOME AS BALLS!
As a WoW and Maplestory fan, I have never been happier with an MMORPG. Its gameplay is HIGHLY similar to WoW, with the light-hearted yet still serious mood of Maplestory. It is a next-gen Japanese game, 3D, small community, fairly new (launched 08' I think) and is the future of free online gaming. Seriously.
It has VERY good graphics for a free game, a cash shop (lol of course), and dungeons like any other decent game. It has land and sea gameplay, in which you level a human character (4 different classes: Saint[Priests{light/dark}], Mercenary[Warrior], Explorer[Gunman], Noble[Magician]) and level your boat, which can be upgraded. I'd say it's pretty unique with the sea part of the game. You can spec your characters just like WoW, get different weapons, fish, upgrade armor, and more! They have events like other MMORPGs.
If you're poor and want a GREAT game to play, I highly recommend Florensia. It takes a day or two to fully get used to everything and be entirely comfortable with it. After that, obsession settles in...and then the wonderful addiction.
Us gamers are addicted to addiction...it's just so addicting...
What a vicious circle us gamers live...
The only thing I don't like about this game is that there are a fair number of quiet weirdly rude people. They're not really rude...just quiet to the point where it's awkward and feels rude... >.>
SO YES! If you're willing to wait a couple hours for the download and have a good enough comp for it, DEFINATELY download this baby. It's well worth it. ;)
~Wingedhamham~
...
Gold in the form of an MMORPG! RAWR! Poop.
Okay, so I was on the eternetz over a week ago, and I came across an ad. It was for yet another MMORPG. Pluh. Yeah. ANOTHER. Ugh.
So I was about to close the damn thing when it caught my attention.
Hey now...these graphics aren't bad at all...
On the ad in big letters, was FLORENSIA.
Hmmm...never heard of this before...
Underneath it showed play online for FREE!
Well HADDEEDOO! Free!? So I clicked on the ad and lo and behold it led me to http://en.florensia-online.com/
Alright, let me just start off saying this game is FREAKIN' AWESOME AS BALLS!
As a WoW and Maplestory fan, I have never been happier with an MMORPG. Its gameplay is HIGHLY similar to WoW, with the light-hearted yet still serious mood of Maplestory. It is a next-gen Japanese game, 3D, small community, fairly new (launched 08' I think) and is the future of free online gaming. Seriously.
It has VERY good graphics for a free game, a cash shop (lol of course), and dungeons like any other decent game. It has land and sea gameplay, in which you level a human character (4 different classes: Saint[Priests{light/dark}], Mercenary[Warrior], Explorer[Gunman], Noble[Magician]) and level your boat, which can be upgraded. I'd say it's pretty unique with the sea part of the game. You can spec your characters just like WoW, get different weapons, fish, upgrade armor, and more! They have events like other MMORPGs.
If you're poor and want a GREAT game to play, I highly recommend Florensia. It takes a day or two to fully get used to everything and be entirely comfortable with it. After that, obsession settles in...and then the wonderful addiction.
Us gamers are addicted to addiction...it's just so addicting...
What a vicious circle us gamers live...
The only thing I don't like about this game is that there are a fair number of quiet weirdly rude people. They're not really rude...just quiet to the point where it's awkward and feels rude... >.>
SO YES! If you're willing to wait a couple hours for the download and have a good enough comp for it, DEFINATELY download this baby. It's well worth it. ;)
~Wingedhamham~
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Cinema! Kacha!
Yes, yes...yes yes yes...yes. As the world knows, people go through...hmmm..."phases," I suppose. I've gone through my gaming phases, drawing phases, drama phases, all of those and such. Today, I would like to introduce to you my current phase ^^, :
Comedy!
Yeah. I've always been a big fan, but lately, it's been my main focus. Thank goodness for internet...it makes research and downloading and such so much easier. If you want to become an expert on planes you can EASILY do so by taking courses on the internet and flying on the internet. It's that easy! In fact, I am certified to fly a helicopter into a war zone ;D
Jk.
Anyway, back to my topic. The point is, I've been really into my two favorite comedians of ALL time: Jim Carrey and Andy Kaufman, who happen to share the same birthdays :D Both are all-time legends, totally unique, and most importantly...totally laugh-till-you-stain-your-panties-yellow funny. I swear.
So it all started when I bought a crap load of Jim Carrey movies:
Liar Liar
Both Ace Venturas
Truman Show
Dumb and Dumber
In Livin Color (tv)
and then Man on the Moon...
After watching Man on the Moon, I was vaguely introduced to this here Andy Kaufman fellow. I got curious, and thanks to youtube and google, found a CRAP LOAD of stuff about the guy! Since then, I've been watching many of his acts and I've got to say, this guy was wicked awesome. Elvis, foreign man, his drums, Mighty Mouse, The Great Gatsby, and TAXI!
Now, I really got into Taxi, and still am. I'm pretty damn pissed that Paramount has grown a big arse tumor and has decided they're not going to release seasons 4 and 5 until the apocalypse... However, I DO have season 3 and love every bit of it. TV has been my thing lately, and I thought I should just let all of you guys know because I love you all and care about you dearly...
NAHT!
Lulz attack.
Jk.
Jk again.
I only slightly like you. ;)
~Wingedhamham~
Comedy!
Yeah. I've always been a big fan, but lately, it's been my main focus. Thank goodness for internet...it makes research and downloading and such so much easier. If you want to become an expert on planes you can EASILY do so by taking courses on the internet and flying on the internet. It's that easy! In fact, I am certified to fly a helicopter into a war zone ;D
Jk.
Anyway, back to my topic. The point is, I've been really into my two favorite comedians of ALL time: Jim Carrey and Andy Kaufman, who happen to share the same birthdays :D Both are all-time legends, totally unique, and most importantly...totally laugh-till-you-stain-your-panties-yellow funny. I swear.
So it all started when I bought a crap load of Jim Carrey movies:
Liar Liar
Both Ace Venturas
Truman Show
Dumb and Dumber
In Livin Color (tv)
and then Man on the Moon...
After watching Man on the Moon, I was vaguely introduced to this here Andy Kaufman fellow. I got curious, and thanks to youtube and google, found a CRAP LOAD of stuff about the guy! Since then, I've been watching many of his acts and I've got to say, this guy was wicked awesome. Elvis, foreign man, his drums, Mighty Mouse, The Great Gatsby, and TAXI!
Now, I really got into Taxi, and still am. I'm pretty damn pissed that Paramount has grown a big arse tumor and has decided they're not going to release seasons 4 and 5 until the apocalypse... However, I DO have season 3 and love every bit of it. TV has been my thing lately, and I thought I should just let all of you guys know because I love you all and care about you dearly...
NAHT!
Lulz attack.
Jk.
Jk again.
I only slightly like you. ;)
~Wingedhamham~
Monday, February 16, 2009
Ummm
Sooo I pooped my pants today.
Jk.
It's still only 2 am, so I have plenty of time!
Jk. Again.
Damn, I'm good! :D
Herro world. I've been out forever...mainly because this blog is not read by any living creature in the world!...but that's okay with me. I don't mind talking to myself ^^, I do it all the time in front of mirrors when I really need help with my mental problems.
Lol. Jk. AGAIN!
Damn, I own.
Sooo yes.
Here's a picture.
Look.
Stare.
Eat.
Have fun.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Hello World
Bored.
B-o-r-e-d.
How pointless it was to do that.
Obviously, if I can type it into the computer, I can spell it, right?
WRONG!
Naht.
Jk.
Or am I?
...
I need to do something more productive than argue with myself.
Maybe THEN I will find myself, and truly know who I am...
*eyes sparkle*
Then again...
NAHT!
~Wingedhamham~
p.s. I got another haircut this summer and I am now wearing...contacts.
Yep.
There's a LOT to update on here, but overall...
I've kinda left my gaming phase. I don't play anything much anymore. I mostly draw, now, or do digital art. Anthro is my main focus. It's really fun! ^.^
Aaaand, so yeah.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
If you're still out there...
http://thegreatcelloadventures.blogspot.com/
That is the blog for my practice journals.
Same ol' funny stuff, except for a grade in strings xD
So...have fun reading if you want to :3
That is the blog for my practice journals.
Same ol' funny stuff, except for a grade in strings xD
So...have fun reading if you want to :3
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Friday, April 4, 2008
AAAAAAAAAAH!
Okay peeple! This is killing me!
NO GUTS, NO GLORY!
NO PAIN, NO GAIN!
SOMEONE NEEDS TO PUT THESE INTO A SPECIFIC SOMEONE'S HEAD!
Also:
"Keep your legs closed."
SOMEONE NEEDS TO PUT THIS INTO A SPECIFIC SOMEONE'S HEAD! NAO!
Btw...
Did you know...
Scorpios and Cancers get along exceptionally well?
^-^
Damn, being a Scorpio = lots of jealousy. And Hell, I am feeling the hate. Burning in the hate. Consumed by the hate.
I'm so angry at a specific someone that needs to get a grip and just chill! STOP. IT.
UGH!!!!!!!
For those in my ring of friends, you know EXACTLY WHO AND WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT and it is SOOOOOOOOO frustrating.
Time for some more "Baby It's Fact"
...and late night depression!
:)
~Wingedhamham
NO GUTS, NO GLORY!
NO PAIN, NO GAIN!
SOMEONE NEEDS TO PUT THESE INTO A SPECIFIC SOMEONE'S HEAD!
Also:
"Keep your legs closed."
SOMEONE NEEDS TO PUT THIS INTO A SPECIFIC SOMEONE'S HEAD! NAO!
Btw...
Did you know...
Scorpios and Cancers get along exceptionally well?
^-^
Damn, being a Scorpio = lots of jealousy. And Hell, I am feeling the hate. Burning in the hate. Consumed by the hate.
I'm so angry at a specific someone that needs to get a grip and just chill! STOP. IT.
UGH!!!!!!!
For those in my ring of friends, you know EXACTLY WHO AND WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT and it is SOOOOOOOOO frustrating.
Time for some more "Baby It's Fact"
...and late night depression!
:)
~Wingedhamham
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Love
I've gone from giddy, excited, disappointed, depressed, satisfied, then giddy all over again today. It's amazing what a boy can do, eh?
Shout out to Myles:
Thankies for all your help. You should seriously be a councelor or something lolz. You rokk sokks, mate!
It's late, and we have a robotics competition this weekend! AAAH! I also got SSBB and I rate it 10/10. Absolutely magnificent. I love that game with a burning passion. Take my game and I will kill you babies. So many babies. 400 BABIESSS!
Lol.
;)
~Wingedhamham~
Shout out to Myles:
Thankies for all your help. You should seriously be a councelor or something lolz. You rokk sokks, mate!
It's late, and we have a robotics competition this weekend! AAAH! I also got SSBB and I rate it 10/10. Absolutely magnificent. I love that game with a burning passion. Take my game and I will kill you babies. So many babies. 400 BABIESSS!
Lol.
;)
~Wingedhamham~
Monday, February 25, 2008
Lost
It's been strange today. It began as soon as I woke up. It wasn't the day that had a problem, it was me. I don't know what it is. I'm all shrugs.
I felt hollow today. Like someone had come at night and taken my heart from me. I can't explain it. I feel like I can't ... well, I don't really understand it at all. I somehow reasoned that there was no need for me to talk. I remained quiet for the whole day. I still smiled when my friends tried cheering me up, but it felt really strange. It was as if I was smiling only because of that joke. I wasn't happy. I wasn't anything. I was nothing inside. It has had me confused. I tried getting rid of it through anger, or something, but none of them work. None of them come out. I felt like I was just drifting. What was the purpose of joy? Did I really need it? I felt like I was lost in infinite thought over nothing. Nothing. Emptiness.
I hadn't noticed it before until I was walking home, how OCD I was being today. Usually, I'm not so bad, but it was horrific today. I began realizing how much I had been 'balancing' myself (as I call it). I have this system of equilibrium for my right and left. My right is usually dominant and claims the most territory. However, when I walk, spaces on the sidewalk are left as territory, but the cracks are special. They have extra significance and cannot be easily reversed. I stepped on a crack with my right, so I tried to do so with my left. I did. It didn't balance out. My right still felt over-dominating. That was odd. The whole time I walked home I was struggling to equal out my feet but I couldn't. If you saw me walking, I would have looked like I had broken legs. I tried crying because I had no idea what was going on, but I couldn't. How could I? I didn't have tears.
Maybe I just need something to do. Maybe. I've had a symphony in my head today. I've listened to the music over and over again. It has been the only hint of joy in my day, besides the return of the shadow of my bus that I was staring at. I have friends of course who were concerned, but I felt like I had no one. I sat there, with my music, and I still felt empty. I don't know why this is happening, or what caused it. I feel lost in myself. There's nothing to hold on to. Have you ever been so confused that you can't do anything? That your mind goes numb?
I feel like I've been searching for an answer and letting it pass at the same time. I filled my worriesome moments with work. I feel I did well in school today. At least this blank emotion hasn't affected my grades.
~Wingedhamham~
Maybe I'm tired or something. I hope so, if hoping helps.
I felt hollow today. Like someone had come at night and taken my heart from me. I can't explain it. I feel like I can't ... well, I don't really understand it at all. I somehow reasoned that there was no need for me to talk. I remained quiet for the whole day. I still smiled when my friends tried cheering me up, but it felt really strange. It was as if I was smiling only because of that joke. I wasn't happy. I wasn't anything. I was nothing inside. It has had me confused. I tried getting rid of it through anger, or something, but none of them work. None of them come out. I felt like I was just drifting. What was the purpose of joy? Did I really need it? I felt like I was lost in infinite thought over nothing. Nothing. Emptiness.
I hadn't noticed it before until I was walking home, how OCD I was being today. Usually, I'm not so bad, but it was horrific today. I began realizing how much I had been 'balancing' myself (as I call it). I have this system of equilibrium for my right and left. My right is usually dominant and claims the most territory. However, when I walk, spaces on the sidewalk are left as territory, but the cracks are special. They have extra significance and cannot be easily reversed. I stepped on a crack with my right, so I tried to do so with my left. I did. It didn't balance out. My right still felt over-dominating. That was odd. The whole time I walked home I was struggling to equal out my feet but I couldn't. If you saw me walking, I would have looked like I had broken legs. I tried crying because I had no idea what was going on, but I couldn't. How could I? I didn't have tears.
Maybe I just need something to do. Maybe. I've had a symphony in my head today. I've listened to the music over and over again. It has been the only hint of joy in my day, besides the return of the shadow of my bus that I was staring at. I have friends of course who were concerned, but I felt like I had no one. I sat there, with my music, and I still felt empty. I don't know why this is happening, or what caused it. I feel lost in myself. There's nothing to hold on to. Have you ever been so confused that you can't do anything? That your mind goes numb?
I feel like I've been searching for an answer and letting it pass at the same time. I filled my worriesome moments with work. I feel I did well in school today. At least this blank emotion hasn't affected my grades.
~Wingedhamham~
Maybe I'm tired or something. I hope so, if hoping helps.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
In French Class
I'm on a ghetto laptop! YESSS! Literally. It's old as old gets. =_=
The frame around the screen is like...2 in. thick. Yuck XP.
Let's see. ZOMFG WE HAVE GIRL SCOUT COOKIES! I brought two of the thankies ones to school. We also have the peanut butter patties at home that I have already began to slowly devour. >:)
I can't wait to go to my next class (HISTORYYY) because I think I did reeeeeeeeally ubers good on my test. I shall update when I get home just how awesomely I pwned it. Lol.
Some girl near us is watching something on cancer and she's like a deer in headlights watching it. In fact, not too long ago, she played this cool beans song with this little girl singing about how we should save the whales. It's so awesome. Something like, "Cuz if you save the whales, you save our planet too..." Lol. It's really cute but it seems the rest of the class finds it irritating <:( They've been yelling at her to turn it off. I encore such songs. :) I mean...it's saving our planet and stuff. Why NOT support it!? Lolz. Now she's watching whales body smash the seals and toss them around while eating their guts out ._.
OKAY!
~Wingedhamham~
Peace peeps!
The frame around the screen is like...2 in. thick. Yuck XP.
Let's see. ZOMFG WE HAVE GIRL SCOUT COOKIES! I brought two of the thankies ones to school. We also have the peanut butter patties at home that I have already began to slowly devour. >:)
I can't wait to go to my next class (HISTORYYY) because I think I did reeeeeeeeally ubers good on my test. I shall update when I get home just how awesomely I pwned it. Lol.
Some girl near us is watching something on cancer and she's like a deer in headlights watching it. In fact, not too long ago, she played this cool beans song with this little girl singing about how we should save the whales. It's so awesome. Something like, "Cuz if you save the whales, you save our planet too..." Lol. It's really cute but it seems the rest of the class finds it irritating <:( They've been yelling at her to turn it off. I encore such songs. :) I mean...it's saving our planet and stuff. Why NOT support it!? Lolz. Now she's watching whales body smash the seals and toss them around while eating their guts out ._.
OKAY!
~Wingedhamham~
Peace peeps!
Monday, February 18, 2008
Mutilation of my Right Hand
Tis true as trueness gets. Tru dat.
Let's see...I'll list the injuries on my right hand in order:
1. My pinky is still healing from a deeeeep cut I got from trying to open a can. My pinky was sticking out and I was pulling the little thing on the can trying to pull the lid off (it was a can of tomato soup). It suddenly opened and quickly swiped my pinky. Ouch. It still hurts when I squeeze the spot, so it isn't completely healed. It's pinkish with that scar material skin stuff :P lol.
2. My thumb has a scab over a wee tiny cut, and a blotch where I internally bled. Lol. I was measuring something with a tape measure, and I accidentally let go. It came back and whiplashed my thumb. This was at robotics, so Fluff freaked out and was like YOU HAVE TO DISINFECT IT!!!!! ZOMFG! AAAAAH!
It's ok Fluff...I understand. You did it cuz you love me.
3. If you lay your palm onto the face of a table, I have an injuries on the right side, right under my pinky knuckle. It's a cut, along with a tiny one beneath the middle joint of my pinky. My poor poor pinky... This one is also from robotics. I put a PVC pipe into the vice grip and tried to punch it because we were going to drill holes through it. (Yeah, I know, it was a dumb thing to do, but I actually thought it would work). This wasn't a manual punch, so you have to put a lot of pressure before it clicks. I put a lot of weight into my hand and the PVC slipped so my hand slipped down really quickly and hit the vice grip. Well, that hunky metal thing isn't smooth, so it cut me in the two places. Yum. So I've used up so many bandaids on my right hand lol.
Funny thing is...my dominant hand is my right. Just...perfect, eh?
300 Moment: It's ok, God has been kind to give me two hands, in case something happened to the other. [This isn't a direct quote, it's a moment so chill!]
~Wingedhamham~
Don't worry. I'm not in the least bit of pain. You should've seen Fluff freak out though XD. Kate was with me when the 3rd one happened, and she was like, "Um, uh, I don't remember anything off of the slide." Because everything she told me I was like, "No Kate, I have to [insert blah blah here]." And she would be like, "Right..." Lolz. Yay for paying attention to the safety slides. Kudos to Fluff. She gets 5 brownie points for prepping me for my dismal future.
P.S. I got my internet back >:)
Let's see...I'll list the injuries on my right hand in order:
1. My pinky is still healing from a deeeeep cut I got from trying to open a can. My pinky was sticking out and I was pulling the little thing on the can trying to pull the lid off (it was a can of tomato soup). It suddenly opened and quickly swiped my pinky. Ouch. It still hurts when I squeeze the spot, so it isn't completely healed. It's pinkish with that scar material skin stuff :P lol.
2. My thumb has a scab over a wee tiny cut, and a blotch where I internally bled. Lol. I was measuring something with a tape measure, and I accidentally let go. It came back and whiplashed my thumb. This was at robotics, so Fluff freaked out and was like YOU HAVE TO DISINFECT IT!!!!! ZOMFG! AAAAAH!
It's ok Fluff...I understand. You did it cuz you love me.
3. If you lay your palm onto the face of a table, I have an injuries on the right side, right under my pinky knuckle. It's a cut, along with a tiny one beneath the middle joint of my pinky. My poor poor pinky... This one is also from robotics. I put a PVC pipe into the vice grip and tried to punch it because we were going to drill holes through it. (Yeah, I know, it was a dumb thing to do, but I actually thought it would work). This wasn't a manual punch, so you have to put a lot of pressure before it clicks. I put a lot of weight into my hand and the PVC slipped so my hand slipped down really quickly and hit the vice grip. Well, that hunky metal thing isn't smooth, so it cut me in the two places. Yum. So I've used up so many bandaids on my right hand lol.
Funny thing is...my dominant hand is my right. Just...perfect, eh?
300 Moment: It's ok, God has been kind to give me two hands, in case something happened to the other. [This isn't a direct quote, it's a moment so chill!]
~Wingedhamham~
Don't worry. I'm not in the least bit of pain. You should've seen Fluff freak out though XD. Kate was with me when the 3rd one happened, and she was like, "Um, uh, I don't remember anything off of the slide." Because everything she told me I was like, "No Kate, I have to [insert blah blah here]." And she would be like, "Right..." Lolz. Yay for paying attention to the safety slides. Kudos to Fluff. She gets 5 brownie points for prepping me for my dismal future.
P.S. I got my internet back >:)
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Greetings, Earthlings.
I am back, from the outer space...vacuum. We have cleaned all the dust bunnies from within, and are returning to our families.
...
Just.
Kidding.
Yeah, I've been pretty busy so yep. I'll post some other time when I feel 'inspired.'
~Wingedhamham~
PEACE!
...
Just.
Kidding.
Yeah, I've been pretty busy so yep. I'll post some other time when I feel 'inspired.'
~Wingedhamham~
PEACE!
Saturday, February 2, 2008
The Inner Me
HECK YUS! Today was nerd day at school so I dressed up as the inner me. Sigh. So freakin hot...I love tube socks.
Lol.
-Wingedhamham-
My worst day ever goes on...
Stupid bell.
Anyways, here's what happened AFTER the quiz:
There were 15 min. of class left so I got a note from the teacher to let me pick up the papers from my English, Science, and Math teachers. Joy.
I went out to my English teacher first. It turned out that she hadn't filled out any of it because she accidentally wrote her name in the wrong spot. Poop. I told her I needed to postmark it by tomorrow so she found out it was online and reprinted it. I told her I would come back later because I needed to get my other papers.
I ran up the stairs to the 3rd floor to my science teacher. Turned out he wasn't finished either. He had a couple questions he wanted to ask me to help him fill it out. I stood there for about 10 min. while he scribbled down the last two answers.
I left the room and went down to the 2nd floor and down to the opposite end of the hall to my math teacher. I went inside and to my dismay, I discovered she had left already. I was thinking, "Sh*t." Instead, it was my half-math teacher from last year! We spent 10 min. trying to figure out what to do because I NEEDED those papers. After that, she decided to just fill it out instead. OOOOF course someone had to come in and ask about our test tomorrow. After like the worst 20 min. of my life, the bell had rung and I bet my bus had left. The teacher finisshed filling out the paper and I ran out. I swear, I was ready to kill that girl. She would NOT stop asking questions!!!!!!!!
I ran back down the stairs to the first floor to my English teacher who handed me the papers completed. I ran back to my History class to see, lo and behold...my stuff inside the room. Okay, np. I tried to open the door. Door was locked. I was ready to kill someone. I ran down the hallway and asked a janitor for help. She told me to go back to the wing my History class was in and ask the other janitor that worked in that area. FINE. I ran back down. No one there. I found a teacher who told me to go to the other teacher, who kindly unlocked the door for me. I ran out and found that my guess was spot on and my bus had left me. Joy.
I called home and found out that my older bro was about to leave for work. He can't drive yet, so he hitches a ride. I asked if his friend could give me a ride too. He said, "Fine, I'll ask" after yelling at me, "Why didn't you get on the bus!?!?" Hahaha...why didn't I get on the bus...funny.
I stood outside for quite a bit and it was chilly. Windy more-like, but freezing air didn't feel good down my spine. I called home again to see if my brother had asked and my little brother told me he had left already. I tried calling my older brother twice but both times it didn't work. I nearly cried. Everything was going wrong.
At that moment, my older brother called me and told me that his friend would pick me up at the parking lot. Thank God. Thank you thank you thankies. His friend eventually came and I got a ride home. I feel guilty for all the trouble I caused people. I almost made my friend late, I made my teachers fill out those papers, my old teacher felt terrible that she couldn't help, and my brother's friend who barely knows me had to pick me up. Uff. A bad day for me makes everyone else's day bad too. :(
Good news: Friday was pretty good?
-Wingedhamham-
Anyways, here's what happened AFTER the quiz:
There were 15 min. of class left so I got a note from the teacher to let me pick up the papers from my English, Science, and Math teachers. Joy.
I went out to my English teacher first. It turned out that she hadn't filled out any of it because she accidentally wrote her name in the wrong spot. Poop. I told her I needed to postmark it by tomorrow so she found out it was online and reprinted it. I told her I would come back later because I needed to get my other papers.
I ran up the stairs to the 3rd floor to my science teacher. Turned out he wasn't finished either. He had a couple questions he wanted to ask me to help him fill it out. I stood there for about 10 min. while he scribbled down the last two answers.
I left the room and went down to the 2nd floor and down to the opposite end of the hall to my math teacher. I went inside and to my dismay, I discovered she had left already. I was thinking, "Sh*t." Instead, it was my half-math teacher from last year! We spent 10 min. trying to figure out what to do because I NEEDED those papers. After that, she decided to just fill it out instead. OOOOF course someone had to come in and ask about our test tomorrow. After like the worst 20 min. of my life, the bell had rung and I bet my bus had left. The teacher finisshed filling out the paper and I ran out. I swear, I was ready to kill that girl. She would NOT stop asking questions!!!!!!!!
I ran back down the stairs to the first floor to my English teacher who handed me the papers completed. I ran back to my History class to see, lo and behold...my stuff inside the room. Okay, np. I tried to open the door. Door was locked. I was ready to kill someone. I ran down the hallway and asked a janitor for help. She told me to go back to the wing my History class was in and ask the other janitor that worked in that area. FINE. I ran back down. No one there. I found a teacher who told me to go to the other teacher, who kindly unlocked the door for me. I ran out and found that my guess was spot on and my bus had left me. Joy.
I called home and found out that my older bro was about to leave for work. He can't drive yet, so he hitches a ride. I asked if his friend could give me a ride too. He said, "Fine, I'll ask" after yelling at me, "Why didn't you get on the bus!?!?" Hahaha...why didn't I get on the bus...funny.
I stood outside for quite a bit and it was chilly. Windy more-like, but freezing air didn't feel good down my spine. I called home again to see if my brother had asked and my little brother told me he had left already. I tried calling my older brother twice but both times it didn't work. I nearly cried. Everything was going wrong.
At that moment, my older brother called me and told me that his friend would pick me up at the parking lot. Thank God. Thank you thank you thankies. His friend eventually came and I got a ride home. I feel guilty for all the trouble I caused people. I almost made my friend late, I made my teachers fill out those papers, my old teacher felt terrible that she couldn't help, and my brother's friend who barely knows me had to pick me up. Uff. A bad day for me makes everyone else's day bad too. :(
Good news: Friday was pretty good?
-Wingedhamham-
Friday, February 1, 2008
Okay, God. I get it.
Man, God's slap lasts longer than any other slap you get. Even when the mark of the hand starts showing up, He still slaps! It hurts.
Okay, maybe I shouldn't blame God. It's the Fates' faults.
Okay okay, it's my fault.
What is my fault?
WELLLL! Prepare for a tragedy, because it felt like one.
Yesterday, I woke up at 8:09 am. School begins at 8:30 am. I didn't eat breakfast and I barely fixed myself. My neighbors that I carpool with have a son that goes to the middle school, which begins at 8:11 am. Hmm. So, they went to drop him off while I got ready. My neighbor was calling me and the second time was the one that woke me up and I answered. My family had left the house and I was alone. Gee, thanks for noticing I wasn't awake yet. No problem.
My neighbor ended up picking me up at MY house (uff, I feel so guilty) after coming back from the middle school. So by the time we got to school, it was pretty late. We got out of the car after the stoplight and power-walked to our classes. I felt terrible that I would make my neighbor late to her first class. I was already getting a ride from them, and I had no right to make her late. Fortunately enough, I found out today that she made it in time. I, however, wasn't as fortunate. I missed it by 20 seconds, but the subtitute (noob face) marked me as tardy. PSHA.
But. The horrible thing about me coming into my first class was that I had to urgently speak to my teacher. Figures she was absent today. The sub said she would be back later that day, so that was..."fortunate." I stressed about my chemistry test that day and barely filled out my review sheet for the math test (which was today). In the next class, my stress kept me from focusing, and I messed up a bit >.< Of course, the peeps behind me and next to me (I donno bout the other people) were saying, "OMG, she messed UP!?" Yeah, sorry, I'm human, kids.
Let's see...third period wasn't so bad, but my lack of breakfast was making me hungry. In fourth period, my tummy was growling. It tooketh the test and finished in time. Finally, some luck.
In fifth period, my teacher was also absent so we were given worksheets to fill out. I blogged.
Sixth period...my teacher was absent so we were given busy busy work (ugh). I worked on that instead of studying for the reading quiz the next class. Dangit. I needed to study.
Seventh period came and we tooketh the quiz. Yay. I didn't know two of them, but we had a sub in the end of the class because my teacher left early. He gave us extra time so I managed to change an answer.
g2g bell!
~Wingedhamham~
Okay, maybe I shouldn't blame God. It's the Fates' faults.
Okay okay, it's my fault.
What is my fault?
WELLLL! Prepare for a tragedy, because it felt like one.
Yesterday, I woke up at 8:09 am. School begins at 8:30 am. I didn't eat breakfast and I barely fixed myself. My neighbors that I carpool with have a son that goes to the middle school, which begins at 8:11 am. Hmm. So, they went to drop him off while I got ready. My neighbor was calling me and the second time was the one that woke me up and I answered. My family had left the house and I was alone. Gee, thanks for noticing I wasn't awake yet. No problem.
My neighbor ended up picking me up at MY house (uff, I feel so guilty) after coming back from the middle school. So by the time we got to school, it was pretty late. We got out of the car after the stoplight and power-walked to our classes. I felt terrible that I would make my neighbor late to her first class. I was already getting a ride from them, and I had no right to make her late. Fortunately enough, I found out today that she made it in time. I, however, wasn't as fortunate. I missed it by 20 seconds, but the subtitute (noob face) marked me as tardy. PSHA.
But. The horrible thing about me coming into my first class was that I had to urgently speak to my teacher. Figures she was absent today. The sub said she would be back later that day, so that was..."fortunate." I stressed about my chemistry test that day and barely filled out my review sheet for the math test (which was today). In the next class, my stress kept me from focusing, and I messed up a bit >.< Of course, the peeps behind me and next to me (I donno bout the other people) were saying, "OMG, she messed UP!?" Yeah, sorry, I'm human, kids.
Let's see...third period wasn't so bad, but my lack of breakfast was making me hungry. In fourth period, my tummy was growling. It tooketh the test and finished in time. Finally, some luck.
In fifth period, my teacher was also absent so we were given worksheets to fill out. I blogged.
Sixth period...my teacher was absent so we were given busy busy work (ugh). I worked on that instead of studying for the reading quiz the next class. Dangit. I needed to study.
Seventh period came and we tooketh the quiz. Yay. I didn't know two of them, but we had a sub in the end of the class because my teacher left early. He gave us extra time so I managed to change an answer.
g2g bell!
~Wingedhamham~
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Crash
I guess it all began with the way I was raised. All my life my paretns told me what, how, and when to do things. My job was to bey without questin. It was "Do your hommework, practice your cello, do your chores, go to bed." Consequently, that was how I behaved, even in school. I was shy because no one told me I could talk. They left me to grow with my training wheels.
Ever since sophomore year started, it's been, "What college will you go to?" or "what do you want to major in?" and "What colleges will you visit?" etc. All these choices were plastered onto my face and I couldn't breathe. I still can't. I'm the person who can't say yes. It's always a maybe, or I-don't-know-what-do-you-think? For years I could never and still can't make a decision by myself without doubting it. The thing is: if you tell me to do it, it will get done. My training wheels were ripped from me at the beginning of high school and to this day I can barely crawl. I'm so lost and the world won't wait for me.
As you know, I'm applying for a special boarding school for math and science. If told to, I would attend without a doubt. Thing is, my parents tell me it's "my choice." For days I wondered, "Is it right to leave behind my friends, home, music, and now robotics team?" It took me two years to get comfortable in school again when we first moved here, and I don't see this as any different. Problem is, I'll be out of the school in two years this time.
Today, I was asking my dad whether we were moving for sure or not. He kept asking me why it mattered. I told him if we were moving for sure, I would go to the boarding school wihout a doubt. If we weren't moving, it'd be a maybe. I'm not so willing to give up my life here. My dad doesn't get what I'm feeling. He hears every word, then brushes it off and repeats his point. He told me I wasn't getting better in strings; I was getting worse for my level. I hate talking with my parents about life. Hell, it's awkward to talk about my period to my mom. My dad also said that leaving robotics wouldn't be bad because the boarding school will be much more advanced in that. See, it's not JUST that. Yes, I don't want to leave the programs, but it's also the people. I've had a war in my mind fighting over what to do. He said I was all talk. I set high goals but nothing happens. I couldn't stand listening to this again so I left and sat in my room. That's when he said it. He said, "My children are smart, but watch, they'll be disappointments."
Parents use reverse psychology often to motivate their kids, but honestly, it doesn't work for me and my brothers. As soon as my dad said that, I felt my eyes heat up. I grabbed clothes and ran into my bathroom and locked the door. I turned on the shower to block out my sobs. I was a disappointment. I was all talk. I am an ass-kissing loser who raises the bar to the point I can't reach it and just leave. I am a joke.
I cried until the frustration turned into anger and my heart ceased to bleed. He had cut me inside. It's alright. THis wasn't the only time I had let him down.
Just another scar. The truth always hurts.
~Wingedhamham~
Song of the moment: "Perfect" by Simple Plan
Listen to it. Understand it. Understand me.
p.s. Please don't leave "pity party" comments. This post was a channel for my sorrow, not an invitation for sorrys.
Ever since sophomore year started, it's been, "What college will you go to?" or "what do you want to major in?" and "What colleges will you visit?" etc. All these choices were plastered onto my face and I couldn't breathe. I still can't. I'm the person who can't say yes. It's always a maybe, or I-don't-know-what-do-you-think? For years I could never and still can't make a decision by myself without doubting it. The thing is: if you tell me to do it, it will get done. My training wheels were ripped from me at the beginning of high school and to this day I can barely crawl. I'm so lost and the world won't wait for me.
As you know, I'm applying for a special boarding school for math and science. If told to, I would attend without a doubt. Thing is, my parents tell me it's "my choice." For days I wondered, "Is it right to leave behind my friends, home, music, and now robotics team?" It took me two years to get comfortable in school again when we first moved here, and I don't see this as any different. Problem is, I'll be out of the school in two years this time.
Today, I was asking my dad whether we were moving for sure or not. He kept asking me why it mattered. I told him if we were moving for sure, I would go to the boarding school wihout a doubt. If we weren't moving, it'd be a maybe. I'm not so willing to give up my life here. My dad doesn't get what I'm feeling. He hears every word, then brushes it off and repeats his point. He told me I wasn't getting better in strings; I was getting worse for my level. I hate talking with my parents about life. Hell, it's awkward to talk about my period to my mom. My dad also said that leaving robotics wouldn't be bad because the boarding school will be much more advanced in that. See, it's not JUST that. Yes, I don't want to leave the programs, but it's also the people. I've had a war in my mind fighting over what to do. He said I was all talk. I set high goals but nothing happens. I couldn't stand listening to this again so I left and sat in my room. That's when he said it. He said, "My children are smart, but watch, they'll be disappointments."
Parents use reverse psychology often to motivate their kids, but honestly, it doesn't work for me and my brothers. As soon as my dad said that, I felt my eyes heat up. I grabbed clothes and ran into my bathroom and locked the door. I turned on the shower to block out my sobs. I was a disappointment. I was all talk. I am an ass-kissing loser who raises the bar to the point I can't reach it and just leave. I am a joke.
I cried until the frustration turned into anger and my heart ceased to bleed. He had cut me inside. It's alright. THis wasn't the only time I had let him down.
Just another scar. The truth always hurts.
~Wingedhamham~
Song of the moment: "Perfect" by Simple Plan
Listen to it. Understand it. Understand me.
p.s. Please don't leave "pity party" comments. This post was a channel for my sorrow, not an invitation for sorrys.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
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I am Hamham.
Winged, Hamham.
