Monday, February 25, 2008

Lost

It's been strange today. It began as soon as I woke up. It wasn't the day that had a problem, it was me. I don't know what it is. I'm all shrugs.
I felt hollow today. Like someone had come at night and taken my heart from me. I can't explain it. I feel like I can't ... well, I don't really understand it at all. I somehow reasoned that there was no need for me to talk. I remained quiet for the whole day. I still smiled when my friends tried cheering me up, but it felt really strange. It was as if I was smiling only because of that joke. I wasn't happy. I wasn't anything. I was nothing inside. It has had me confused. I tried getting rid of it through anger, or something, but none of them work. None of them come out. I felt like I was just drifting. What was the purpose of joy? Did I really need it? I felt like I was lost in infinite thought over nothing. Nothing. Emptiness.
I hadn't noticed it before until I was walking home, how OCD I was being today. Usually, I'm not so bad, but it was horrific today. I began realizing how much I had been 'balancing' myself (as I call it). I have this system of equilibrium for my right and left. My right is usually dominant and claims the most territory. However, when I walk, spaces on the sidewalk are left as territory, but the cracks are special. They have extra significance and cannot be easily reversed. I stepped on a crack with my right, so I tried to do so with my left. I did. It didn't balance out. My right still felt over-dominating. That was odd. The whole time I walked home I was struggling to equal out my feet but I couldn't. If you saw me walking, I would have looked like I had broken legs. I tried crying because I had no idea what was going on, but I couldn't. How could I? I didn't have tears.
Maybe I just need something to do. Maybe. I've had a symphony in my head today. I've listened to the music over and over again. It has been the only hint of joy in my day, besides the return of the shadow of my bus that I was staring at. I have friends of course who were concerned, but I felt like I had no one. I sat there, with my music, and I still felt empty. I don't know why this is happening, or what caused it. I feel lost in myself. There's nothing to hold on to. Have you ever been so confused that you can't do anything? That your mind goes numb?
I feel like I've been searching for an answer and letting it pass at the same time. I filled my worriesome moments with work. I feel I did well in school today. At least this blank emotion hasn't affected my grades.

~Wingedhamham~

Maybe I'm tired or something. I hope so, if hoping helps.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

In French Class

I'm on a ghetto laptop! YESSS! Literally. It's old as old gets. =_=
The frame around the screen is like...2 in. thick. Yuck XP.
Let's see. ZOMFG WE HAVE GIRL SCOUT COOKIES! I brought two of the thankies ones to school. We also have the peanut butter patties at home that I have already began to slowly devour. >:)
I can't wait to go to my next class (HISTORYYY) because I think I did reeeeeeeeally ubers good on my test. I shall update when I get home just how awesomely I pwned it. Lol.
Some girl near us is watching something on cancer and she's like a deer in headlights watching it. In fact, not too long ago, she played this cool beans song with this little girl singing about how we should save the whales. It's so awesome. Something like, "Cuz if you save the whales, you save our planet too..." Lol. It's really cute but it seems the rest of the class finds it irritating <:( They've been yelling at her to turn it off. I encore such songs. :) I mean...it's saving our planet and stuff. Why NOT support it!? Lolz. Now she's watching whales body smash the seals and toss them around while eating their guts out ._.
OKAY!

~Wingedhamham~

Peace peeps!

Monday, February 18, 2008

Mutilation of my Right Hand

Tis true as trueness gets. Tru dat.
Let's see...I'll list the injuries on my right hand in order:
1. My pinky is still healing from a deeeeep cut I got from trying to open a can. My pinky was sticking out and I was pulling the little thing on the can trying to pull the lid off (it was a can of tomato soup). It suddenly opened and quickly swiped my pinky. Ouch. It still hurts when I squeeze the spot, so it isn't completely healed. It's pinkish with that scar material skin stuff :P lol.
2. My thumb has a scab over a wee tiny cut, and a blotch where I internally bled. Lol. I was measuring something with a tape measure, and I accidentally let go. It came back and whiplashed my thumb. This was at robotics, so Fluff freaked out and was like YOU HAVE TO DISINFECT IT!!!!! ZOMFG! AAAAAH!
It's ok Fluff...I understand. You did it cuz you love me.
3. If you lay your palm onto the face of a table, I have an injuries on the right side, right under my pinky knuckle. It's a cut, along with a tiny one beneath the middle joint of my pinky. My poor poor pinky... This one is also from robotics. I put a PVC pipe into the vice grip and tried to punch it because we were going to drill holes through it. (Yeah, I know, it was a dumb thing to do, but I actually thought it would work). This wasn't a manual punch, so you have to put a lot of pressure before it clicks. I put a lot of weight into my hand and the PVC slipped so my hand slipped down really quickly and hit the vice grip. Well, that hunky metal thing isn't smooth, so it cut me in the two places. Yum. So I've used up so many bandaids on my right hand lol.

Funny thing is...my dominant hand is my right. Just...perfect, eh?
300 Moment: It's ok, God has been kind to give me two hands, in case something happened to the other. [This isn't a direct quote, it's a moment so chill!]

~Wingedhamham~

Don't worry. I'm not in the least bit of pain. You should've seen Fluff freak out though XD. Kate was with me when the 3rd one happened, and she was like, "Um, uh, I don't remember anything off of the slide." Because everything she told me I was like, "No Kate, I have to [insert blah blah here]." And she would be like, "Right..." Lolz. Yay for paying attention to the safety slides. Kudos to Fluff. She gets 5 brownie points for prepping me for my dismal future.

P.S. I got my internet back >:)

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Greetings, Earthlings.

I am back, from the outer space...vacuum. We have cleaned all the dust bunnies from within, and are returning to our families.

...

Just.

Kidding.

Yeah, I've been pretty busy so yep. I'll post some other time when I feel 'inspired.'

~Wingedhamham~

PEACE!

Saturday, February 2, 2008

The Inner Me




HECK YUS! Today was nerd day at school so I dressed up as the inner me. Sigh. So freakin hot...I love tube socks.

Lol.

-Wingedhamham-

My worst day ever goes on...

Stupid bell.
Anyways, here's what happened AFTER the quiz:
There were 15 min. of class left so I got a note from the teacher to let me pick up the papers from my English, Science, and Math teachers. Joy.
I went out to my English teacher first. It turned out that she hadn't filled out any of it because she accidentally wrote her name in the wrong spot. Poop. I told her I needed to postmark it by tomorrow so she found out it was online and reprinted it. I told her I would come back later because I needed to get my other papers.
I ran up the stairs to the 3rd floor to my science teacher. Turned out he wasn't finished either. He had a couple questions he wanted to ask me to help him fill it out. I stood there for about 10 min. while he scribbled down the last two answers.
I left the room and went down to the 2nd floor and down to the opposite end of the hall to my math teacher. I went inside and to my dismay, I discovered she had left already. I was thinking, "Sh*t." Instead, it was my half-math teacher from last year! We spent 10 min. trying to figure out what to do because I NEEDED those papers. After that, she decided to just fill it out instead. OOOOF course someone had to come in and ask about our test tomorrow. After like the worst 20 min. of my life, the bell had rung and I bet my bus had left. The teacher finisshed filling out the paper and I ran out. I swear, I was ready to kill that girl. She would NOT stop asking questions!!!!!!!!
I ran back down the stairs to the first floor to my English teacher who handed me the papers completed. I ran back to my History class to see, lo and behold...my stuff inside the room. Okay, np. I tried to open the door. Door was locked. I was ready to kill someone. I ran down the hallway and asked a janitor for help. She told me to go back to the wing my History class was in and ask the other janitor that worked in that area. FINE. I ran back down. No one there. I found a teacher who told me to go to the other teacher, who kindly unlocked the door for me. I ran out and found that my guess was spot on and my bus had left me. Joy.
I called home and found out that my older bro was about to leave for work. He can't drive yet, so he hitches a ride. I asked if his friend could give me a ride too. He said, "Fine, I'll ask" after yelling at me, "Why didn't you get on the bus!?!?" Hahaha...why didn't I get on the bus...funny.
I stood outside for quite a bit and it was chilly. Windy more-like, but freezing air didn't feel good down my spine. I called home again to see if my brother had asked and my little brother told me he had left already. I tried calling my older brother twice but both times it didn't work. I nearly cried. Everything was going wrong.
At that moment, my older brother called me and told me that his friend would pick me up at the parking lot. Thank God. Thank you thank you thankies. His friend eventually came and I got a ride home. I feel guilty for all the trouble I caused people. I almost made my friend late, I made my teachers fill out those papers, my old teacher felt terrible that she couldn't help, and my brother's friend who barely knows me had to pick me up. Uff. A bad day for me makes everyone else's day bad too. :(

Good news: Friday was pretty good?

-Wingedhamham-

Friday, February 1, 2008

Okay, God. I get it.

Man, God's slap lasts longer than any other slap you get. Even when the mark of the hand starts showing up, He still slaps! It hurts.
Okay, maybe I shouldn't blame God. It's the Fates' faults.
Okay okay, it's my fault.
What is my fault?

WELLLL! Prepare for a tragedy, because it felt like one.

Yesterday, I woke up at 8:09 am. School begins at 8:30 am. I didn't eat breakfast and I barely fixed myself. My neighbors that I carpool with have a son that goes to the middle school, which begins at 8:11 am. Hmm. So, they went to drop him off while I got ready. My neighbor was calling me and the second time was the one that woke me up and I answered. My family had left the house and I was alone. Gee, thanks for noticing I wasn't awake yet. No problem.
My neighbor ended up picking me up at MY house (uff, I feel so guilty) after coming back from the middle school. So by the time we got to school, it was pretty late. We got out of the car after the stoplight and power-walked to our classes. I felt terrible that I would make my neighbor late to her first class. I was already getting a ride from them, and I had no right to make her late. Fortunately enough, I found out today that she made it in time. I, however, wasn't as fortunate. I missed it by 20 seconds, but the subtitute (noob face) marked me as tardy. PSHA.
But. The horrible thing about me coming into my first class was that I had to urgently speak to my teacher. Figures she was absent today. The sub said she would be back later that day, so that was..."fortunate." I stressed about my chemistry test that day and barely filled out my review sheet for the math test (which was today). In the next class, my stress kept me from focusing, and I messed up a bit >.< Of course, the peeps behind me and next to me (I donno bout the other people) were saying, "OMG, she messed UP!?" Yeah, sorry, I'm human, kids.
Let's see...third period wasn't so bad, but my lack of breakfast was making me hungry. In fourth period, my tummy was growling. It tooketh the test and finished in time. Finally, some luck.
In fifth period, my teacher was also absent so we were given worksheets to fill out. I blogged.
Sixth period...my teacher was absent so we were given busy busy work (ugh). I worked on that instead of studying for the reading quiz the next class. Dangit. I needed to study.
Seventh period came and we tooketh the quiz. Yay. I didn't know two of them, but we had a sub in the end of the class because my teacher left early. He gave us extra time so I managed to change an answer.

g2g bell!

~Wingedhamham~

I am Hamham.

I am Hamham.
Winged, Hamham.